The first time I covered my face in public
I do not remember.
Perhaps it was November and I rubbed my body against the snow,
Drops falling, itching ice, but it wouldn’t work.
My face stood shining in the dampness of a million flakes;
My face was the rain,
Dripping oily mud, red, tears pretending to be smiles
And in a while, somebody said I was a fool.
The second time was worse,
The snow was gone,it was never there
Somebody said, but I saw it,
I bear the scars of the winter.
The second time the pavement was ruthless
I kissed it, begging, my arms extended
I begged for mercy,but
My dirty face bleeds, wearing a plum leaf,
A dire emptiness, I couldn’t believe
I was still naked.
The doctors told me not to do it again
They didn’t get it, but I got paxil dreams
What difference does it make,
If you live in a nightmare, your head can’t be tamed.
I planned a third time,
Ashamed of the emptiness of my eyes,
In the mild heat of spring, away from the snow
That never was.
I tried to remove my features with an eraser,
I ruined the latter and there I stood, spotless,
Untouched by the sane asylum I call “the real”
I got a masters in mass production,
And flunked compliance for dummies,
They made me kneel amid the daffodils in memoriam
and swear by the god of Monkey Lascivious Assholes (MLA).
I was rejected by the Academia of poetry,
Damn, I pressed my lips so hard against her they fell apart,
“Passion must be avoided at all times”
“Nudity will deduct a point from the final score”
One less thing to cover up.
I changed my eraser for sandpaper
In the tranquility of whatever-zepam.
I did not feel the pain,
You wouldn’t believe what happened,
The dog ate it, like my homework.
In the meantime summer came,
I had already planned the fourth.
The fourth time was the last one,
I bathed in the warmth of the sand,
No mouth, no nose, no lips, no eyes.
I did it.
I had brought Picasso back to this world.
I expected somebody, whose love
would mend my face, guess what happened?
bumped into my thighs,
Ate the meat loaf,
enjoyed the rump
And put a beach-wrap in my head.